Solitary Dream, Fox Tyke

A dream, a single dream is all it took for me to see, a single dream gave me all the more hope to do what I need to. The dream made me look up and realize more than I have realized anything ever. I won't get into what happened in the dream but it made me wake up with a smile and tears. It made me feel like god was helping me more than I thought.

I have more hope in my system than I have ever had in my entire life for anything, it feels good. I have been going through heck about things even with a positive attitude but I haven't listened to what my soul was telling me. I didn't listen that is till now. Now I can look forward to each day, look forward to seeing everyone and not hide things. I haven't hid many things but major pain I've tried.

I will look up and hold my head high, no longer looking down on what has been and what has passed. I can't do that, he wouldn't want it that way and to be honest I never wanted it that way either. I love him, still more today than yesterday and less today than tomorrow as always. Not going to change, no matter what the case.

Also, guess what? I've got another Fox to talk with! His name is Brad and he's the coolest kid I've ever met. Smart as a seven year old and only two years old! Good kid, more logical than most people I know and that's a lot to say.

Brad's new nickname is Lil Fox Tyke, just cuz he's cool enough to make it as a Fox! Mwahahahaha! No one else is a fox to me!

Well I'm going to sit here for five minutes and try to think of a title for this, I ain't good at titles.

Later days,
Matt

Edit: Friends, Online Inhibitions

Well something I have to address has come up, actually two things.

The first of which is regarding my online communications lately, I'm not normal right now nor have I ever been really but getting to the point, I have things on my mind which inhibit my normal level of communication. I have been thinking a lot and still am about my ways of dealing with things to the point to where sometimes I zone off. If I do that, don't ask questions and don't get mad, it's for the best.

Second thing, Max. I'm worried about him, he's acting very weird lately and is a bit more depressed than I previously gauged him. I know he's going through things in his mind as fast as I am but I don't think he's getting the answers at the rate I am. I just wish he'd understand that bottling things inside and distancing yourself like I did won't do anything but provide a temporary feeling of being alright.

It's not good, for him or for anyone who cares to see him this way. He thinks no one cares, there are people who care and they are hurt that he is hurting himself. If it was my decision, personally, I would get him professional help. I don't like that idea really but sometimes I think when people have tried everything they can to help and got no where, it's the last resort.

To be honest I think I should try and get help too, professional help that is. I don't know yet though, I will have to see how this week goes and if I lose focus on things. If I do then of course I will get help, if not then I won't seek it. Afterall, I have a crack team of pro's around me, some more screwed up than I am albeit.