Memories, Reflections of Then & Now 

Memories, Reflections of Then & Now

Today I didn't do anything until about nine at night but I have reason, today was my day of relaxation and recovery. My day to reflect upon myself and prepare myself for the next week of problems and to of course relax period.

I got online to do something, I think it had to do with Jpop and downloading such but I ended up talking to Ken and Sora a lot. It felt good to hear both of them, okay it felt good to read the text they sent since it was IMing.

You know during the time I relaxed I remembered the times I had with Tai, then I looked at them more closely and I found something. I found a slight conflict in my own actions a lot, it was as though I wanted him as a friend when he wanted his boyfriend and I wanted him as a boyfriend when he wanted his friend. Make sense? Well take into account we were hiding it from people and you should see what I mean. Unfortunately I don't believe I was to blame for everything, but that's not something I will get into on here. That's a personal matter I should take up with Tai, if I ever get that chance that is.

I am sitting here right now looking at my new work shirt and listening to Jpop, namely songs by Globe and T.M. Revolution. I don't know why but listening to these songs makes my mind at ease with the world, my heartache and sorrow seem to all but disappear and I just listen to the beat of the music. What's weird is the fact that almost all the music deals with love in some way. They say that music soothes the soul, I think it's true especially if you listen to the meaning of the words in another language.

Mom asked why couldn't I forget Tai, I said flat out, how can you forget what brought you the most happiness in your entire life? I never did get an answer. You can't rationalize things like that, especially when it comes to the one person who means the world to you. I am beginning to hate when people say Time heals all wounds, that may be true but sometimes it leaves a nasty scar too doesn't it? Over the top a bit, sorry...but time can't heal matters of the heart nor will you ever forget them. It's always going to be there, whether you like it or not, whether you accept it or not, it's there for the rest of your days.

I know that's kind of depressing but to be honest it's a fact of life, no...correction a fact of love lost. For the people that say they didn't love or don't love someone after they are left by them, well it's nice to know you've tricked yourself into thinking that. Comforting until you see that person on the street or think about the past isn't it? The only way you can say that you don't love someone after something happens is if you didn't love them to begin with, unfortunately such people exist.

Some say that I should count my losses and move on while others say that if you truly love something you should love it enough to let it go and have faith it will return. There's one problem with the first one I don't consider this a loss, I haven't lost him rather, I've misplaced him. Lost means it's gone without a chance of ever coming back, I believe there is a chance hence I've misplaced him. Make sense? Well anyways as for the love it enough to let it go and have faith advice, I believe I have done so. I am holding out on hope and faith that one day I will see my man again and be by his side, but I don't intend to try and hold him back. I couldn't do such a thing as I'm sure he wouldn't do such a thing if he was in my position.

Later days,
Matt

Edit: Sad Memories, Stronger People

I just got done talking to Angie, Takato's girlfriend and our conversation was a far reaching one. We discussed jobs at the beginning and finished it off with talks of people who passed on in our lives. We talked about how we wished we hadn't said or done things to those people so every memory could be a happy one.

I explained how with every memory good, there wouldn't be varying degrees of happiness, there wouldn't be the extremely happy ones and there wouldn't be better things. Basically, without bad things in life, we wouldn't have anything to hope for and what's life without hope?

Well as I said in the conversation, I will now step off the podium and return to my seat.