Shot Myself In The Foot 

Shot Myself In The Foot

Let's see...to be exact here is a list of events:

promise
broke promise
argument
need to talk
arugument
and finally a stiff drink

Okay now for the long version...

Got dragged to something I didn't want to go to by Takato's girlfriend. She asked a direct question and my policy is if I can't manipulate the wording or meaning of the question I have to answer honestly and truthfully. Well she got pissed and came back to Tai's yelling at him...I couldn't stand it..yelling at my lil hedgehog over something that's been settled. I felt like a total fucking asshole at that point but oh...oh no...that ain't the end of it.

After she did that I got up and asked Takato if I could talk to him. I knew he was pissed because something was going on and he didn't know what. I finally told him...but made him promise...he knew I did it for Tai...I settled it and didn't want him to find out and look down on Tai. Well in the process Takato's girlfriend got pissed and left because she thought I was going to talk about her.

We went over there to her house to tell her exactly what was said but she wouldn't hear it. So we came back to Tai's I immeadiatly went to the garage, I asked Takato to send Tai out if he would. He never did come until after Takato and his girlfriend were out there. I was crying because I thought I'd fucked up three things, Takato and his girlfriend's relationship, my friendship with Takato and her, and finally and most importantly Tai's and my relationship.

They tried their best to say it was okay...but what I hear and what my mind says can be two very different things. I can't apologize enough for this shit...I mean...I can spend the rest of my life apologizing but it will never make amends for what I did...

I love Tai so damned much it hurts to be apart and hurts more when I do something like this. I mean I was feeling actual pain in my chest...in my heart...I felt like I'd just committed such an atrocity against my lil hedgehog, against Tai.

You know he says he don't care...but if he doesn't care...well...I guess I am blind to his forgiveness. I am blind to trust...blind to a lot of things...blind to my own heart...my soul...

You know what else? I am but two fools, one for being in love and another for saying so...

Ja mata
Yamato